Jaws 2 (1978)

Posted on August 18, 2011

Jaws 2 (1978)
Review by: Erin Page

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Police Chief Brody must once again protect the citizens of Amity after a second monstrous shark begins terrorizing its waters.

REVIEW: Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water… up floats the pale and fetid carcass of another pointless sequel. Jaws is unequivocally one of the greatest thrillers ever committed to 35 mm film. Back in 1975, it single-handedly created the summer “blockbuster” by raking in more than 50 times its budget, so it made sense that the studio would attempt to capture lightning in a bottle twice. But whereas Jaws was a masterpiece of fear, fleshed out with a sharp script, intense (sometimes morally grey) characters, and a thrumming quiet anxiety, Jaws 2 is about as subtle as a speed boat explosion.

Also, yes. There are speed boat explosions.

Continue reading →

Posted in Creature Feature | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

Posted on August 14, 2011

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)
Review by: Corin Wentworth

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: When the cute new vampire at school falls for a mortal boy, his current girlfriend and a mad kabuki scientist both want her out of the picture — and not even death can stop them!

REVIEW: I decided to check this movie out based on the title alone. Vampires? Frankenstein monsters? And they’re both high school girls, you say? Fighting over a boy?

Sounds like fun!

Knowing that this was a Japanese film, I expected lots of colorful, cartoon violence — something this movie delivers in buckets from the very first frame. Right away, we meet the titular vampire girl, Monami, who cheerfully delights in ripping skulls and spines from her prey Mortal-Kombat-style while grinning and delivering cool lines of dialogue. After a blood-soaked opening scene of hilariously over-the-top, goofy carnage, I was totally on board and ready for more. However, as we flashed backward in time to Valentine’s Day at Tokyo High School, my enjoyment of this film came to a screeching halt.

Continue reading →

Posted in Asian, Mad Scientists, Vampires | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Poison Ivy III: The New Seduction (1997)

Posted on July 18, 2011

Poison Ivy III: The New Seduction (1997)
Review by: Erin Page

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: A sinister seductress vows to destroy a suburban family.

REVIEW: The third installment in the Poison Ivy film franchise is only tied to the canon by the most tenuous of plot threads. As the opening credits roll, the movie scrambles in vain to connect those meandering dots, bombarding the audience with needlessly complicated information. We zoom in on a palatial hillside estate in sunny Los Angeles, where a jean-clad, sneering pool boy is busy ignoring his work to make sex-eyes with a woman inside. She shoos a series of children upstairs to play so she and the pool boy can fuck loudly in the kitchen. The girls seem cheerfully oblivious to the wall-pounding, screaming orgasms below, and have a tea party with a selection of creepy porcelain dolls. One of the girls (named Ivy), scoffs at playtime and skulks to the window, looking out onto the driveway where she witnesses a car pulling up. “There’s going to be fireworks,” the child actress intones badly, and we watch the six-year-old make a bizarre attempt at an evil grimace.

The Chlorine Cassanova strikes again!

Continue reading →

Posted in Adult/Erotic, Psychos/Madness | Tagged , | Leave a comment